Desolateif you are parched tonight,
the pale of your lips cracked
with thirst for that which
will not claim you;
if you hunger -
the deep and shallow collapsing
into slivered vibrations;
if blindness rejects you, says
no, watch now.
this is the way of it;
if you are breathing the world
into cinders, inhaling each poison
on purpose, striving
toward an apocalypse
because that is chaos
we can categorize,
then you may understand.
Cretaceous YardThe call came in at 1500 hours, exactly twenty minutes after Leviner returned from his break. He picked up the phone and listened.
"We'll be there right away, sir."
On the other side of the desk, his partner looked at him. "A homicide?"
"If only we could be so lucky," Leviner snorted, making Ellsie wince.
It was just another case of illegal dumping. Once the 'cera crew had cleared away the overgrowth of ferns, Leviner stalked his way in. "What do you see?" Ellsie called. Although the entrance to the small shed was large enough to easily accommodate Leviner, there was no way Ellsie was fitting inside. Not that it was her fault. Maiasaurs were designed to be out grazing in the fields, not solving crimes. Leviner tried desperately not to think of her as delicious, delicious cattle. If he even so much rumbled his stomach at her, she would turn him into a raptor pancake with one large foot.
Tromping over the carpet of flattened leaves, Leviner swatted a small dragonfly out of the way, deftl
deviantArt is a minimalist experience. No one has time to use words unwisely. You may write lengthily, but not redundantly. This is good practice; a rule they don't teach you at school, but that all writers ought to learn before they break it.
Brevity is the best way to show-not-tell. It is the best way to keep pace. It is the best way to create convincing characters and plot.
5 steps to keeping it brief:
Why use a genus when you could use a species? When describing Aunt Maria's dog, is it more effective to say "dog" or "dachshund". "Dachshund" not only tells me what the dog looks like, it tells me about Aunt Maria too.
Why use an abstract when you could use a concrete? The story of "the love affair" may be longer than the noun phrase, but its length is compensated ten times over by the new insight. Do not talk to me about "death" or "dream" unless I know whose death or which dream. It must be an action or event to earn its place, not a "thing".
Same Heart, Different ChestThe silence in his arms
spoke all the words
between a thousand years
He told me:
"You could not have forgotten my face."
I am spray painting black doves
on the bellies of his walls,
but his walls were made of paper.
They folded and withered
as paint kissed cardboard barriers;
sleep would have taken me
if invisible entities
didn't pry my eyes awake.
In return, he made the galaxies
churning in my lungs rearrange,
and sideswipe into my heart.
Sixty-four years is too long
for anyone to hold their breath.
Affliction of GravityWe were spinning in a violent orbit,
fragments against a time continuum,
with the shock signals of past events
coursing through our brain waves
and hovering away into unwanted space.
Your spiral fingers clutched twenty-two street lights,
coalescing them into supernovae
to gather their unseen veils of jade.
Our feet, skittering across the worn concrete,
were blazing a new trail of the universe.
The pale glass panels of the skyscrapers
showered down small meteorites,
illumination for our blind and careless eyes.
We'd point to buildings that grazed each star
off sideways perches made from skeleton clouds;
then I'd trill my laugh off sidewalk chalk.
I wanted our love to be like a hurricane on Neptune,
fiercer than Earths fizzing clouds
but dim enough so Galileo only pauses for us.
You wanted our love to be a shooting constellation,
furious and wild at the surface, brightly ablaze
until the gases stopped billowing, the spark diminishing.
There would be no trace of us left on the map.